Dear Editor,

For some time I have listened in distress to Phil Coulter’s ‘Ireland’s Call’ at rugby internationals. A minor consolation was that rugby buffs and players realised its triviality and mumbled incoherently during the thing.

However, on recent occasions it has been distressing to see the professional sportsmen actually trying to imbue this mongrel piece with some enthusiasm. The potency of cheap music still amazes me. Before the disease spreads could I urge the JMI to organise a competition for at least a competent piece of bland and inoffensive jingoism. Herewith suggestions for themes:

- Rule, Hibernia, Hibernia drools on knaves.

- Land of Pope and Paisley.

- All we are saying, is give Peas* a chance

- Éire, Éire, unter Alles

- O-oh, Say can you pay, by the dawn’s early light…

- Money, money, money, its a Bertie world.

- I’ll RFU if you’ll RF me.

* (peas processed, of course)

Bob Quinn
Co. na Gaillimhe